Author S.M. Beard

My Love and Best Friend

8/12/2015

You know that saying “The couples that are ment to be are the ones that go through everything designed to tear them apart but come out stronger than ever.” That couldn’t be a more true statement. I was 20 years old when I met my husband. When me and my husband met, we expected to just be friends we didn’t expect it to turn into more. I never believed in love at first site, I’d been in one bad relationship after another I was done even looking for another relationship, but when he showed up at my door that all disappeared the minute I looked at him cuz I was in love. No marriage or relationship is perfect, god knows ours isn’t we have our problems and fights, but the beautiful thing about wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone is that you work through everything so you can be right by their side. We have been through so much as a couple, we both have a crappy past, we have been through people trying to split us up even to this day, we have been through our son being kidnapped, we have been through not having a job or a vehicle or a way to support our child (I was pregnant with our second son at the time) but every time we were in a hard part of our relationship I would look at my husband and say don’t worry we will get through this, and we did and have. We will be married a year next month and I couldn’t be more happier with the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with. I just want him to know that he is amazing and I am thankful for everything he does to take care of our family

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The Secret to Being a Stay at Home Mom

8/8/2015

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There is no secret to make being a stay at home mom perfect, but there are ways to make it easier. First thing you have to realize is you’re not perfect. No mom is perfect we all make mistakes. We need to accept that and when we make mistakes we need to move on and figure out ways to not repeat that mistake or how to work things better than we have. Mothers need to go with the flow. I set a schedule for my kids for a bedtime and mealtimes, and I will have a schedule for school when they are older, but I can’t always expect that schedule to go as planned because the truth is it doesn’t always work the way I want it to. My kids don’t always go to bed on time some nights they don’t even go to bed at all. I give my oldest son food around the same times every day but it isn’t always on the dot. So yes if it makes it easier set a schedule and try to get your kids used to it but don’t expect it to work all the time. Don’t forget to get used to watching the same shows on repeat. I have been watching the same Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode for 3 weeks now, and yes it is driving me crazy but my son screaming the entire time if I turn it off drives me even crazier, so to make him happy I put on Mickey Mouse. Another thing BE PREPARED FOR GROSS AND STRANGE THINGS. If you’re a first time mom boy are you in for a lot of new things, the key is to be prepared for everything. Be prepared for poop, it happens and it ends up EVERYWHERE. Be prepared to be peed on whether you have a son or daughter. Kids, especially babies eat and stick everything in their mouths, and I mean everything and anything that they can find. My son has eaten cardboard, newspaper, and paper, he has put change in his mouth, toys, everything. The key is to keep what you definitely don’t want him or her eating or putting in their mouth up and completely out of reach because you can turn your head for two seconds and look back and they will have something they aren’t supposed to. As a mother you need to accept help from others. Do not think you can do it all because you will wear yourself ragged and lose all energy and collapse. If you have some family or friends who offer to watch your kids ACCEPT THE OFFER. It’s good to get a brain break from your kids, you can worry about them and miss them while they are gone but you need to accept help every once in a while you cannot expect to do it all by yourself. You need to find a way to get out of the house each day. Whether you take your kids to the park or to a playdate you need to get out. And a bonus is wearing the kids out when you take them to a park or playdate. I have found that if I stay in the house all day and don’t get out at least once I end up going nuts and getting frustrated easier. No matter what you need to take time for yourself, at least an hour or even a half hour a day, you need the time to yourself. You also need to find time for you and your spouse to be alone. Yes you can spend time with your spouse even with the kids there but you need to find the time to spend with your spouse by yourself. Treat yourselves to a date night, my husband and I take a night every week and go on a date. We go out to eat or we watch a movie anything as long as we are together and kid free. I found out that when we weren’t taking time for ourselves without kids we started drifting apart we started forgetting simple kisses or I love you’s. We would forget the simple stuff we needed to remember to do. So no matter what find a time to spend with your spouse. So remember you can’t be a perfect stay at home mom, expect messes, expect unorganization, expect strange things, but enjoy them. Enjoy being a parent because at the end of the day that smile your kid gives you, them saying mama, or them saying I love you, that right there makes your world go round and you have someone very special right there that depends on you and to them you are everything.

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Prison Moms

7/16/2015

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Have you ever

7/15/2015

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Have you ever felt like your past defined you?

My past is full of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. I always feel like it defines who i am. I was always afraid to have children because i didnt want to abandon them or turn out like my abusers. I sometimes still feel like im failing as a mom, which is a normal mom feeling anyways, but i just want them to turn out to be the best that they can be and show all their potential to everyone. I want for my kids to be everything i felt like i wasnt. I want them to be able to do anything and everything they want. I dont want my kids to feel like they are ever alone or like im not proud of who they are. I dont want them to ever feel like im going to leave them. My past also has defined every relationship i have been in. Ive held back in so many relationships because i didnt want to get hurt or i didnt want to trust the person i was with, i still fight insecurity and the feeling of being abandoned to this day in my marriage. My past is something i have never seemed to be able to let go of or stop thinking of. I need to live for today and stop letting my past define me, and if your letting your past define you i suggest you change that too. Start living for today. Start living for now. Start taking risks and being the you that you want to be.

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kidnapped....

11/30/-0001

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Not many people know that my son was kidnapped legally for the first month of his life. My husband and I were engaged at the time and living with a woman he was working for. I was about 7 months along and didn’t have very far to go before my first son was going to be born. We were living in an outdoor shed we had no heater, a/c, or bathroom. It was no living situation for us not to mention a baby.

I went into labor the morning of May 8th, my water broke and I started having contractions. The woman rushed me to the hospital where my fiancé met us there. After a hard labor and eventually an emergency cesarean section my son was born at 5:00. Little did I know for the first month of my life I wouldn't be the one raising or taking care of him. In the weeks following up to my labor the woman we were living with slowly starting lying to me and deceiving me. She tried to tell me that a bunch of people called cps and that she had a friend who worked for cps and emailed her and said they would take away my son. Over the course of the days telling me this she slowly convinced me to sign over guardianship of my child. We signed a paper and got it notarized by a bank notary while we waited for her attorney to file papers for legal guardianship of my son. She claimed during this time that I was not allowed to take my son anywhere with me and he wasn’t allowed off the property except to the dr's appointments. She wouldn’t let me see my son very often except in her house for short periods of time. At the point in which he turned a month old, I was at a friend’s house when she told me what was going on. She explained to me that this woman couldn't do that to me and she was lying to me. I had custody of my son so I could do whatever I wanted with him including taking him off her property. I slowly began to realize my child was kidnapped out from under me. That night my friend and I went and got my son, where the woman proceeded to tell me she was going to call the cops that I had right to take MY son. She did call the cops and when the police officer showed up he told her that a bank notary was not a legal document and that I had guardianship and custody of my son. I took my son from her care in which he had been wearing the same clothing as 3 days before when I saw him, and the bottle she gave me to feed him was moldy and rotten. The following day she filed for emergency custody through the court, I fought with the fact that I might possibly be too late and lose my son. The emergency custody file did not go through. However she did call CPS on me and they showed up on my door. They proved that there was no reason my baby couldn’t be in my care. They also told me there was no friend of hers in cps and disproved all her lies towards me. My cps caseworker showed up with me on the day of my court date for the guardianship. I was terrified to face this woman knowing she was gathering people to speak against me and try to take away my baby from me. However when cps showed up with me, she didn’t argue and just said they no longer wanted guardianship. I was finally free all my feelings of fear were gone I wasn’t going to lose my baby, I finally had him back and he wasn’t going anywhere.

(This happened a year ago my son is now a little over 1 years old and still has abandonment problems and nightmares and I still thank god every day that I have my little boy back.)

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